Saturday, February 11, 2006

Scene 209: Court

So this defense attorney rolls into court like 3 hours late and I get called down to handle his case. We hash out a deal and walk up to ask the bailiff to go get the judge. All of a sudden the lawyer realizes how tall I am:

Defense lawyer: Man, you are SO tall!
Me: That's very observant.
Defense lawyer: I just can't get over how tall you are! I've never seen a woman that tall. You are freakin' tall!
Me: Yeah, I know.
Defense lawyer: Your parents HAVE TO be tall.
Me: My mom is 5'4" actually.
Defense lawyer: No way, how tall is your dad?
Me: He was 6'4".
Defense lawyer: So that's where you got your height from.
Me: I don't know... I'm still taller.
Defense lawyer: You played volleyball, huh?
Me: Yes.
Defense lawyer: Were you good?
Me: No.
Defense lawyer: You played basketball, huh?
Me: No.
Defense lawyer: YOU DIDN'T PLAY BASKETBALL??
Me: No, never.
Defense lawyer: Can you dunk?
Me: I don't know. I never tried. Probably not.
Defense lawyer: I can't believe you didn't play basketball. What a waste!
Me: What, I can't be tall just for the sake of being elegant and graceful? I gotta be tall so I can play basketball or else it's a waste?
Defense lawyer: I can't answer that. I'd get in trouble for sexual harassment. I just can't get over the fact that you never played basketball! What a waste of talent!
Me: Sorry I wasted my time on academic pursuits instead, like going to college and law school. Man, you're right, what a waste!
Defense lawyer: You married or have a boyfriend?
Me: Yeah, I'm married.
Defense lawyer: How tall is he?
Me: 6'6"
Defense lawyer: So when are we gonna go out and play some hoops?
Me: I don't know.. you'd have to teach me how to play.

That was about the extent of the conversation. Man, what a tool. I found out later he's the son of a very prominent sherriff here in town. No wonder he was so mouthy.

23 Comments:

At 6:58 AM, Anonymous Uri Breitman said...

The "what a waste" claim is a very patronizing one. In totalitarian states like China & USSR, kids would be sent to sports camps against their will, just because they have some kind of talent or feature that looked like an advantage.

This sherrif's son thinking is highly primitive - disregarding invisible mental abilities for sheer "meat market" viewpoint.

 
At 12:43 PM, Blogger i like liquor and tv said...

Oh, I loved this
"do you play ball?"
"no"
"can you dunk?"

dummy

I hate idiots! I got the "what a waste" comment just last night in the convenience store. I just looked at him funny and made him buy my M&M's.

 
At 3:30 PM, Blogger Cladeedah said...

If only I had a pack of M&M;s for evey time someone said something dumb to me.. I'd be really fat. :-)

 
At 9:16 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm a tall guy and have always been "looked down upon" because I didn't play b-ball. 10 years ago I don't think a tall woman would have been asked about that. It's a sign of achieving equality that you are now derided for wasting your "talent' for being tall.

 
At 3:44 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I would give my right nut to be tall.

 
At 5:30 AM, Blogger Elizabeth said...

What an ass.

 
At 9:36 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Elizabeth, thank you, You are right, I do have a nice ass....thank you for your kind comment.
elizabeth, if...IF.. you are a witch,,,,and I think you just might be.....could you please make me 12 in taller.....as before, I would be more than happy to exchage my right nut for an extra 12 in to my hight. elizabeth, please keep this mind....you might not know this, but, THAT one small nut could finnaly be the end of your dieting. Your muscles will grow.....and your weight will drop. oh, and your moods will improve

 
At 2:04 PM, Blogger Bob said...

Me: 6'5", 250 (ding)

Just discovered your site. Totally with you on this and wish you were experiencing the exception, not the rule...

But you and I know that ain't the case.

Hang in there...

 
At 9:43 PM, Blogger yournamehere said...

That dude was an ass.

 
At 1:38 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The thing here, is that everyone has something that they don't like.
YES, being 6'5" for a female is a eye sight....but she made the best of it and now she is a lawyer....good for her. But what about the millons and millons of people who don't go out of the house because of severe burn, because of cleft lips or a thousand other deformities. What about people with severe mental problems.
Some day, if I see this tall girl, i'm going to look up and say wow.....you are so tall. And, i'm sure, she will look at me and say that I have a nice ass. And then.....we will go on our own way with our own problems.....Do I fill sorry for tall girl....NO.....do I like her blog....yes......if you other people feel so sorry for her....then I feel sorry for you.....

 
At 11:52 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi everyone,
I have a cleft lip and the guy that lives next door, his name is larry, always calls me clefty.

Your,
Clifton.

 
At 11:25 AM, Blogger Alice in Absurdistan said...

Anonymous, it's "finally" and not "finnaly". Back to your homework, then grow up!

 
At 11:12 PM, Anonymous Mr. Wireman. said...

Hi again Alice,
As you know, my name is Harvey Wireman. Remember, I'm with that group of fine upstanding men and girls that monitor the internet blogs for poor spelling.
I want to take this time to thank you, again, for your good work.
We have found that poor spelling goes hand in hand with the moral decay of our youth. We have been tracking this "anonymous guy" for a few weeks now. We have a long list of mispelled words from him.
It's people like you alice that make this country great.
God bless you alice and I hope to see you again on the "people who like there own gas" web site.

 
At 2:05 AM, Anonymous Clifton said...

Larry: Hey clefty.
Me: It's clifton!
Larry: Whatever dude.

 
At 5:41 AM, Blogger i like liquor and tv said...

umm, did someone just compare being tall with having a deformity? It's not about complaining about our height. We love our height. We just get tired of idiots that state the obvious and ask dumb questions. It wouldn't be so bad if we didn't hear the same comments/questions all day, every day. I'm sure people that are twins, for example will have similar complaints about people who ask dumb questions "are yall twins?". I'm sure they hear that question numerous times per day. "Which one is the oldest?"...I'm sure they hear that many times a day as well.

I saw a set of teenage twin girls who were about 6'4" or 6'5", I'm pretty sure they've heard it all.

 
At 5:55 AM, Anonymous IN MY DAY said...

when ever I see a girl who is tall, I always yell "HI STRETCH, HOW'S THE WETHER UP THERE"
I could be wrong, but I think it makes the girls feel better about them selfs.

 
At 11:48 AM, Anonymous Josephine said...

How on earth did he succeed to become something in the juridics? the man got no IQ neither EQ! *lol* You are WaY too diplomtic with them... I would have turned sarcastic in a rude way after half of those lines...(and he would probably still not understand but turned pissed off at me instead)

 
At 11:50 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Woman don't like to be taller than men.
They don't feel girlish.
They like the man to be in charge. So, when a lady is taller than a man, she gets really nervous.
This is why tall woman seek out taller guys.
If you see a 6'4" gal and she is with a 6'7" guy and if she has a nice flowery dress on, then she feels like a millon bucks.

 
At 12:04 PM, Anonymous larry said...

When a gal gets nervous, she is more apt to become rude and "pissed off"
They try to fool them selfs by saying men don't understand.
When the gals get together, they laugh, make lame jokes and call the men stupid. But, inside, the gals really feel sad because they are not with the men.
This is all in the good book people.

 
At 12:19 PM, Anonymous I do my best.... said...

Last night, as I was walking down center street, I saw this huge girl.
She had to weight over 350 pounds.
She had deep dark bags under her eyes and she looked really sad.
I felt sorry for her.
She was all alone.
I knew that I needed to do something.
I had to help her...this is why men are on this earth, to help.
I walked up to her and told her I think that I know just what she needed.
So, I went into my front pocket and gave her a few of the jelly beans that I was eating last Monday.
I like helping people.

 
At 6:46 AM, Blogger Elizabeth said...

Er, this is not really for anonymous, but actually I was commenting on the post. Not on the comment by anonymous.

 
At 4:20 AM, Blogger jerry said...

Could somebody answer me? I'm not a tall girl but I have the opposite problem, I'm a "normal" 5ft 10' tall guy, attracted from tall girls, why is it so? Do you think it is not normal?

 
At 10:13 AM, Blogger Salima :) said...

some of the comments on here are incredibly obnoxious...

 

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