Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Scene 35: Return to Robinson's May

I have no scruples. After storming off from this very make-up counter last week, I was enticed back by the free lipstick offer and the promise of them actually carrying my liquid eyeliner. At least this time my mission was successful.

Of course this new girl working the counter ALSO had to ask me how tall I was. What do they do, teach that at the Clinique Training Academy, or something? What the hell? Anyway, same-old same-old exchange:

Make-up girl: How tall are you?
Me: 6'5"
Make-up girl: Wow, you're tall
Me: (thinking: thanks for the update) Yep.
Make-up girl: You make me feel short.
Me: (thinking: thanks for the update) Oh.
Make-up girl: I'm only 5'5"
Me: (thinking: thanks for the update) Wow, cool.

Scene 34: The Gap

I walk in, and, to my pleasant surprise, the greeter working the door is a girl who is, like, roughly 6'2". We make eye contact and immediately exchange the tallperson-to-tallperson-recognition-glance. It's this weird moment when two tall people realize they're sharing the same airspace. It's like when you're on a lonely hiking trail and after two hours of solitude, you pass someone going the other direction. For whatever reason, you feel compelled to gesture some kind of acknowledgement, whether you say hi or just do the head nod thing. It's like a sharing of the solitude or something.

Anyway, I ended up buying a shirt from her register. This is how it went, pretty much:

Tall gap-girl: What's your inseam?

First of all, can I say how much greater that question is than the regular old, "how tall are you??" I think I've been asked for my inseam, like twice in my entire life. The answer to that is really much more impressive than the answer to the height question, in my opinion. Anyway....

Me: 38"
Tall gap-girl: Wow, yeah, I was looking and knew it had to be even longer than mine. Where do you find pants?

I started telling her about all the tall women clothes sites, then I took the opportunity to plug the blog. :-) She thought the idea was funny and wrote down the url. So, gap-girl, if you're reading this, props for the inseam question and good luck finding pants! I hope you like the blog!!

Scene 33: The mall

Walking past one of those cart-booths at the mall. The brainiac working the cart-booth sees me and very astutely points out:

Brainiac: Wow, you're taller than me.
Me: Yep.

I was walking past too fast to snap back w/ something sarcastic, but, really, this was like, a prime opportunity. It'd be one thing if we were even remotely similar in height - like 6'3" and 6'5" or something, but we weren't even close! Guy was like - 5'9".

1) Being taller than him was honestly not that tough for anyone, and

2) The disparity in our heights could not have been more obvious. The fact that I was taller than him was therefore _ridiculously_ obvious.

File this one under stupid-obvious-shit-people-still-feel-the-need-to-say, I guess.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Scene 32: Subway

I'm standing in line at Subway dowtown when this SUPER-CUTE guy in front of me turns to me and says:

SUPER-CUTE guy: Hey, you went to Green Valley High School, huh?
Me: Yeah.
SUPER-CUTE guy: So did I. I totally remember you. How are you doing now?
Me: Good...


Turns out he graduated the year before me. He didn't look familiar to me at all. Maybe a name would help?

Me: What's your name?
SUPER-CUTE guy: Mark Cox
Me: Hmmmm...doesn't ring any bells.
SUPER-CUTE guy named Mark Cox: I don't know your name either. I just knew you as the really tall girl.
Me: The really tall girl.. yeah, that's how a lot of people knew me. A lot of people still call me that.


On the one hand, it's cool that people can see me a couple times in high school, never exchange any words with me, and then still remember me 11 years later... On the other hand, it sucks that I could never be a bank robber. They wouldn't even need a name on my wanted poster. "The Really Tall Girl" would suffice as both my moniker and personal description.

Scene 31: Costco

I swear this same guy who works the check-out counter has asked me how tall I am before. Anyway.. here's how it went down this time:

Old guy at checkout: How tall are you?
Me: 6'5". I think you asked me that before.
Old guy at checkout: You play volleyball?
Me: No.
Old guy at checkout: Oh. You're a good height for volleyball.
Me: Maybe. I don't know.

Scene 30: Going-Away Party

I've had a bunch of comments lately that I just can't remember. I know my height was a frequent topic of conversation at Greg's party. Everyone was really positive about it, though, so it was cool. Here's some basic tall stuff that came up:

Met up w/ a new friend who's 6'6". It didn't take long for us to start talking about the height thing. He noted that although he's taller than me, he probably gets less tall remarks cuz it's more common for men to be that tall. I wholeheartedly agree.

At one point, four of us tall-folk got together to chit-chat. It was me (6'5"), Brian (6'6"), Brad (6'4"), and the new friend (6'6"). Talking to a group of people at eye-level was dreamy... :-D At one point, we did a hand-comparison. I think Brad won, even though he was the shortest.

What else? Oh yeah, my friend Anne confided in me that she was obsessed with Sigourney Weaver in Alien because she looked so tall in that movie. Anne was super complimentary all night about the height thing, which included lusting after my long skinny fingers. Heh heh.

I also met a super-sweet girl called Haiti there. She said she'd seen me several times before at other parties, but that we've never talked. I didn't recognize her. That happens a lot. More often ppl remember me better than I remember them. Anyway, she was also really nice and complimentary about the tall thing, saying stuff like it's so great you stand out, you're so beautiful, blah blah blah. Awe shucks - thanks Haiti. :-)

Like I said.. the height thing came up pretty frequently at the party. Can't remember all of it though. All I know is it was all fun and positive. I guess the moral of this story is that standing out can actually be cool. Sometimes.

Monday, August 29, 2005

Scene 29: Bridal Shower

Went to a bridal shower last weekend. My good friend Housekeeper was there. A bunch of us were standing around talking in the kitchen when she busted out w/ a typical shorty line:

Housekeeper: Ugh, I hate talking to you guys. You make me feel short!

Yeah... I get that a lot. ;-)

Scene 28: Court

Whew, it's been a while! Wish I could say there just haven't been any tall happenings, but I can't. I've just been busy w/ wedding crap. So anyway...

Some time last week, I'm in court.. .doing the lawyer thing. Two inmates are shackled together waiting to talk to someone about their cases. I ask the one on the left if he's going to be needing an interpreter. The Latino inmate to the right of him looks over at me and then says to the other guy in Spanish, all casual-like:

Inmate on the right: Es muy pequena, no? (Translation: "She's really small, huh?)"
I flash him a perterbed look and say: Entiendo lo que dices. Yo hablo espanol. (Translation: "I can understand what you're saying. I speak Spanish.")

Inmate on the right laughs embarrasingly cuz he knows he straight up just got caught talking about me. He's just lucky I wasn't the prosecutor handling his case that day.

I just love it when Spanish-speakers talk trash and assume i can't tell what they're saying. Here's a newsflash: I'm 6'5", I'm a girl, I don't play basketball, AND I'M A NATIVE SPANISH SPEAKER!! Holy crap, what are the odds??

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Scene 27: Dillard's

This was just after my second failed attempt to purchase overpriced eyeliner, so you can understand why I'd be testy. After storming off from the Robinson's May counter, I go over to Dillard's, only to find out they don't have the eyeliner I need. Reeling over the fact that a girl could spend 45 minutes at a mall attempting to give people $17 for a tube of eyeliner, and still come away with nothing, I walked back through the labrynth of departments toward the exit. About two feet in front of me is this young little yuppie family. Daughter was about 9, a total Dakota Fanning look-alike.

Bizarro Dakota looks back at me, and, while still staring at me, and still walking TWO FEET IN FRONT OF ME, tugs her mom and says, in her clearest outside voice: "Oh man, she's tall!!" Instead of scolding the child for her apparent rudeness, Mom looks back and stares at me too!

I was already so pissed about the eyeliner, that this undisciplined child was the last thing I needed to deal with. Nevertheless, I looked at little Dakota AND her mother and said in a very angry, very loud, very serious voice: "I'M STANDING RIGHT HERE, AND I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING YOU'RE SAYING!" I was also talking with my hands in that condescending fake-sign-language kinda way - like maybe they were deaf and just assumed I was too??? Mom and daughter were both stunned. I pushed passed them and left the store, thinking, "Why do I even leave the house???"

Scene 26: Robinson's May

Monday I went to the Clinique counter at Robinson's May to pick up some $17 eyeliner. I got a parking spot next to the entrance.. only had to go through one other department to get to the make-up. Everything seemed to be going great... until I got to the makeup counter.

Real quick - why the hell don't they have clearly designated lines at these damn places? Or numbers? How the fuck are the retarded bitches behind the counter supposed to know who got there first?? And how come only the bitch in the white lab coat is authorized to grab my tube of eyeliner off the shelf (as opposed to all the other lazy, caked-on-face, smug bitches sitting behind the other counters)?? Anyway..

So this hag in front of me is chatting up the snatch in the labcoat. What cream do you recommend for my gnarly face? What toner will burn off my face and replace it with something less horrific? Will this lipstick last me four months? Will this makeup go bad? Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

So I'm standing there.. all kinds of annoyed. I mean, really... no firming, toning, smoothing anti-wrinkle anything was going to cure this lady's problems. She was butt. That's all I'm going to say, for fear of being labelled a superficial bitch. Anyway..

Smug-bitch-in-the-labcoa, in between totally ignoring me and answering ass-face's mongoloid questions FINALLY makes eye contact with me and then says to ass-face, "She's so tall!!" And then ass-face looks back.. says. "Yeah." And goes back to her stupid questions. Then smug-bitch-in-the-labcoat looks back at me again and REPEATS: "You're so tall!!" I gave the usual "I know." She then proceeded to ignore me for another 15 minutes. She's got time to take a breather to cover the height issue w/ me, but can't hand me my $17 eyeleiner???? I ended up storming off in a huff w/ out getting to buy jack.

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Scene 25: Costco

Ever since I made my t-shirt that says "Six Five" on it, I've been patiently waiting for someone to ask me how tall I am while I was wearing it -- just so I could smart-assedly point to my t-shirt and say nothing. At last, that day finally came..

I was at Costco today getting my picture taken like a supermodel. After she took my picture, the girl behind the camera says:

Costco Girl: You could be a model. How tall are you?

And then, before I can remember that I'm wearing my awesome shirt, I flub it all up and tell her!!

Me: 6'5" (DOH!)

I can't believe I totally choked. How could I miff this up? I've been waiting so long!! Luckily the girl helped me out... She looked over at another girl standing next to her, astutely pointed out my shirt and said:

Costco Girl: Six five - like on her shirt, see?

Me: Oh yeah! Like on my shirt. Yeah.. I made it so that all I have to do is point.. See? ((Pointing at the shirt))

What a dork! I can't wait to wear it again so I can have another shot at being just little bit cool. :-)

Scene 24: Gilly's

Friday night some girlfriends and I went to this cowboy bar on the Strip. It was country night AND the Toby Keith concert after-party. Yee haw. (We had no idea - we just went for the bull-riding.) Anyway.. I got three comments in all, none of which was particularly exciting...

FIRST: The bouncer checking ID's was sitting in a little ticket booth.

Bouncer of undeterminate height: Wow, you're about as tall as me.

Me: How tall is that? (I'm cynical mind you, b/c many times when I've played this game with a guy who is sitting down, he stands up and discovers he's not nearly as tall as he thinks. Even funner is the game where I'm sitting down and the guy bets he's taller than me. Ha ha ha. Anyway..)

Bouncer of undeterminate height: 6'7" (stands up to show me - clearly very very tall)

Me: Wow.. cool. (Dumbfounded.. impressed.. )

SECOND: Walking through the bar/club. Drunken cowboy walking the other way sees me and says: DAAAAAAMN!! I don't _know_ that he was referring to my height, I guess. In situations like these I just tell myself that they're really impressed by my naturally curly hair..

THIRD: Same kinda deal as the second. Just remarks in passing like: "Damn" and "Woah" - that kinda thing. Don't even know really who was saying it. Too crowded to tell.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Scene 23: 7-11

I walk up to the counter to pay for my slurpee and this ITT tech dropout on the other side of the counter says:

ITT tech dropout: You're tall!
Me: I know. So are you.

The guy was like, 6'4". He didn't qualify for the tall person comradery exemption to the "strangers who ask me about my height are annoying" rule though, since he clearly did not think he and I were of the same breed. Thankfully, I agreed.

Scene 22: Brides by Demetrios

What is the worst fear for a 6'5" bride-to-be? Just take a guess.... If you guessed special ordering her wedding dress w/ 5.5 extra inches of length, and it finally coming back TWO INCHES TOO SHORT, well then you're exactly right! Welcome to my nightmare..

Saturday I went for my first fitting, and that's exactly what happened to me. As I'm standing there, in shock, wondering how they're going to fix this problem, bridal shop manager Captain Obvious, says:

Cpt. Obvious: This dress runs a little short...
Me: Great.
Cpt. Obvious: And you're really tall... I mean, you are REALLY TALL.
Me: Yeah, I know.

The rest of the conversation was a blur.. To be honest, I was just trying not to freak out. The story is that they're going to do some magical alterations to make the dress longer and I won't notice any difference and it won't cost me a thing. I'll believe it when I see it.

Scene 21: Baseball game

I'm leaving a baseball game and this guy holding a loaf of bread (they were giving it away free at the game) comes up to me. This is how the conversation went:

Fetishist w/ bread: Hey, how tall are you?
Me: 6'5"
Fetishist w/ bread: Wow. You're beautiful.
Me: Thanks.
Fetishist w/ bread: Do you have a boyfriend?
Me: Yes.
Fetishist w/ bread: Do you want to go out w/ me sometime?
Me: I'm marrying my boyfriend, actually. (Showing him the ring)

Not to be deterred, the guy says again:
Fetishist w/ bread: Well, do you want to go out w/ me sometime?
Me: No, I'm getting married.
Fetishist w/ bread: Is your boyfriend here?
Me: Yeah, he should be walking this way right now.
Fetishist w/ bread: How tall is he?
Me: You'll see.. just wait a second.
Fetishist w/ bread: Is he as tall as you?
Me: Yeah, taller, he should be coming by any second.. you'll see.

He looks back at the crowd exiting the stadium, walking toward us and says he has to run. I'm thinking he didn't want to find out how tall my boyfriend really was.

Oh, and btw.. what is w/ guys thinking "Hey - how tall are you?" is a good pick-up line???

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Scene 20: Uncle Angelo's Italian Restaurant

Just finished having lunch w/ Allison and Kelly. I go up to the counter to pay while they go to the bathroom. I'm coming from work, so I'm wearing a skirt suit. Smallish middle-eastern-looking lady behind the cash register giggles and says:

Lady: You're so tall.
Me: I know.
Lady: Do people ask you...? (and then she trailed off.. like she thought of the answer before she could finish her sentence and changed her mind.) You should be a basketball player.
Me: No. (thinking: you have no idea how I would do at basketball. I'm happy being a lawyer, thank you very much.)

(awkward silence... money is then exchanged)

Scene 19: David's Bridal

Lady, about 5'10", comes up..

Lady: How tall are you?
Me: 6'5"
Lady: Oh, ok. Now I don't feel so tall.
Me: (thinking: glad I could make you feel better about your freakish mutation)

Monday, August 08, 2005

Scene 18: More movie theater

Oh yeah.. almost forgot about this one. The guy selling tix was like 4'7". As I'm walking to the theater he puts his arm around me and says, "Hey, wanna be my date?" It was playful, and he was freakishly short, so I decided to be friendly. I said, "Sure, honey, anytime." We walked arm in arm for a few feet, laughed, and then parted ways..

Sorry, no pic though. It would have been in poor taste, I think.

Sunday, August 07, 2005

Scene 17: Movie Theater

I'm at the movie theater concession stand buying some popcorn from this kid.

These little artsy-looking kids are all crowded around the counter, talking to their friend who works there.
(From left to right - Teen #2, Teen #1, Teen #4)

Teen #1: Hey, how tall are you, like seven foot??
Me: (laughing cuz a lot of short people can't tell the difference between 6'5" and seven foot) No...
Teen #3 aka concession employee: 6 foot 3!
Teen #2 aka the smart one: 6 foot 5!
Me: Very good, 6 foot 5.

(The smart one notices my badge as I'm paying)

Teen 2/Smart one: Hey, you're a cop!
Me: No I'm not.
Teen 2/Smart one: Yes you are, I saw your badge!
Me: No I'm not.. see? (I pull it out and let him read it. Apparently he can't read b/c he still insisted I was a cop. The other boys now crowd around)

Teen #4: You're a cop! You're a cop!
Teen #1: (Obviosuly scared he's going to get busted for curfew or something) I work here, I'm an employee!
Teen #2: It says Deputy!! You are a cop!

Me: It says Deputy Attorney - I'm a lawyer.

(They all breathe a sigh of relief and say, oh that's cool. Back to the tall stuff..)

Teen #1: Do you like being tall?
Me: Yes.

Teen #2: How old are you?
Me: How old do you think I am?
Teen #1: 19?
Me: No.. (laughing hysterically)
Teen #3: 23?
Me (still laughing) You boys are too kind.
Teen #2/smart one: 27!
Me: Very good.

Teen #2: So do you have a boyfriend?
Me: (laughing at how much weirder this has gotten) Yes.
Teen #2: Are you happy with him?
Me: (laughing even harder) Oh my God, are you hitting on me? You're like 12!
Teen #2: I'm 16. He's 16. He's 16, He's 17.
Teen #1: (Coming to his buddy's defense) Yeah, but he's the mack. He gets all the ladies.

Teen #2: How tall is your boyfriend?
Me: 6 foot 6
Teen #2: Wow, so he's taller than you?
Me: Yes... i have to go now...

Saturday, August 06, 2005

Scene 16: Violent Femmes Concert

Random tallish girl approaches:

Tallish girl: I just wanted to ask how tall you are.
Me: 6'5"
Tallish girl: That's awsome! I'm 6'1" - that's so cool!
Me: Thanks

Then she ran back to her friends. Another positive episode. I think she was lying about being 6'1" though. She couldn't have been taller than 5'11". I'm usually pretty right on w/ guessing that kinda thing. Although she was pretty slouchy. Maybe she gains a few inches when she's fully upright.

Scene 15: Witness Interview Room

Before a trial this week, I met with a victim and her mother.

Victim's mom: You're very tall! How tall are you?
Me: 6'5"
Victim's mom: You're beautiful, that's great.
Me: Thanks.

....Not bad. Not bad at all.

Monday, August 01, 2005

Scene 14: Clerk's office

Apparently it's been a slow week for tall-comments. It's probably mostly b/c I stayed in w/ friends most of the week & weekend. But then Saturday I went to Target AND Bed Bath & Beyond, and still nothing! I thought for-sure I'd hear something there, but no.. nada! I was starting to get a little worried.. starting to feel a little ordinary even.. maybe even a little lonely... but then today I went downtown to court for a personal matter, and the silence was lifted. It wasn't bad either. Here's how it went down:

African-American teen in county clerk's office: Wow, how tall are you?
Me: 6'5"
Him: Wow, that's awesome!!
Me: (Distracted by the clerk answering my question, I turn away and talk to the clerk. I turn back to him thereafter.)
Him: (Repeats to ensure that I heard) Wow, that's awesome!!
Me: Thanks (Smile)

I thought about taking his picture for the blog, but he was too sweet to ridicule. You could see the future-fetishest thoughts brewing in his little teenagad head though..